As We Fall
by monkan
Summary: Once the angel who God loved most fell from heaven in hope to find the one he loved but whom God let die. This is the prelude. Katan x Rosiel. Complete.


As We fall ~ Heaven Archive  
By Monkan

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Angel Sanctuary or any of the original characters. Neither do I own the song in this chapter, I just think that it's beautiful. It belongs to Anders Johansson.

**Genre**: AU - Fantasy - Romance - Angst.

**Warnings**: m/m, yaoi

**Pairing**: Katan x Rosiel

**Summary**: Once the angel who God loved most fell from heaven in hope to find the one he loved but whom God let die.

**Author Note**: I originally posted this on another website a long time ago. Along with some other stories. I might bring them here to ff, but it won't be until I finish my current fics. Remember, this was written years ago, I've corrected the spelling errors that I committed but I don't have the strength to re-write it. Besides, I'm busy with my current fics. So, while I've ended it like I did I'm not in this fandom at the moment and therefore its not a priority. I don't remember much any more either. If you like it, let me know. Review.

~ All I ever wish for is to be truely loved! ~

_**Oh my love,**_

_**The first time that you spoke my name**_

_**It somehow sounded not the same**_

_**It's like I knew from that moment on**_

_**That this is what I'm living for**_

_**Fate had open up the door**_

_**And you were mine to say that heaven could be wrong**_

_**If its all I ever do**_

The war between heaven and hell was recorded in history as one of the most bloody battles ever to happen. The armies of Hell was lead by the fallen angel Alexiel. She was a source of strength and power and beauty. Her might could have lead Hell to victory if it wasn't for certain forces against her. A betrayal among her most trusted ones and the power of the angel armies was her fall and punishment for going against God who created all life.

It was known that Alexiel was the twin of Gods most loved and beautiful creation, the high angel Rosiel. Rosiel was a beauty without compare and everyone loved him, all except for his sister. Rosiel who even held the complete attention and love of the creator himself couldn't stand his own sister hating him. Therefore he lived a life with hidden pain and suffering. His body who was a masterpiece couldn't die and not even Rosiel knew how to kill himself. So all he could hope for was for someone to come and save him from him misery. To let him out of his prison and show him a world where everyone's actions wasn't decided on status and appearances. Even among his own kind he was alone for no one could ever get close to his heart. He alone was standing on a pillar to high for anyone to reach him and in his despair he could only wish for someone to come and love him.

Most would say that he was the luckiest and most beautiful angel in heaven. That there was nothing that could be denied him. No one knew, not even the creator himself of the cage this lonely but amazing angel was captured in.

He was the only one that could hear the suffering and horrifying screams of the lowest angels, The Grigor. Their scream as their existence vanished was torture to him and even if he covered up his ears he couldn't block his heart from hearing them. But he heard the rare appearance of the Grigor that had thoughts of his own. He would take most pleasure in watching this sole striver of knowledge and survival wander through the world. He even wanted to reach out to this being that asked questions about his own existence in a similar manner himself did. He wanted to answer them, to give him answers he could never have. But Rosiel never got a chance.

During the battle between Heaven and Hell Alexiel tried to seal Rosiel away but her plans was crushed by the interference of a lowly angel that sacrificed himself for no apparent reason. In the last moments of existence the thoughts of this being reached Rosiel and the realization that this was the being that he had watched for so long hit him just as hard as the knowledge that his sister tried to kill him.

The light of this lowly being faded slowly but surely as he was being sealed away inside the earth of the planet between Heaven and Hell.

The two last and only words Rosiel ever heard the Grigor speak to him was; "Thank You."

Rosiel reached out to touch and hopefully save this being but it was to late as his fingers simply brushed against the faded light before it was extinguished.

Those two words of gratitude hurt more than anything he could even think of. A simple sound caused his heart to cry tears so heavy he couldn't even stand up.

It didn't take long after that event for Alexiel to get caught and punished. Heaven and Hell came up with a truce for the time being but everyone knew the fragile balance would sooner or later crumble and war would break out again. But hidden from all's but the eyes of the creator grieved Rosiel for the Grigor that had sacrificed himself for his sake. Rosiel knew that a being such as a Grigor could never break free of the seal that bond him to the Earth. He was forever lost to never really get an answer to all his questions. To never learn anything about life or what the world was like. He didn't even have a name.

Hundreds of years later when the humans on Earth was foolish and was seduced by the powers of magic. There was a pact of humans that tried to call upon the devil but they were all later arrested and prosecuted for being warlocks and witches. It was because of one among them, a true warlock, that managed to weaken a seal of the earth and from the earth crawled a child with lavender grey hair and dirt smeared all over him. A child of the earth, fallen from heaven with no memories of where he came from or who he was. He was a child no older than 12 years. That was when Heaven noticed him as his astral powers began to grow and manifest itself. That was how God's angels finally found him.

He was named Katan.

He was taken in in Heaven and started his education. Katan learned quickly and melted into the daily life of the other angels. He was calm and level-headed so most would take him for a very mature child. He spent one years until he was accepted as a candidate of one of the higher-class angels, he was only 13 years old, the youngest ever. He spend his time studying and rose both in strength and knowledge as well as became a very popular representative among many. Many wanted him at their side and could hardly wait for him to graduate and start his career.

There had been several tries to find his origin and why he was on earth but no one found out for all traces stopped where they found him and no one knew why. As he reached the age of 18 he was a very handsome man and the few could deny any more the changes that happening around him. There was his aura that set him apart from the rest. But his kind smile and gentle eyes locked away his inner self, making it hard for anyone to get really close to him. Various rumours started to fly among the angels about his origin but he paid no heed and just went on with his life and with the few friendly friends he had.

One day Katan walked through the great halls of the academy and that was when his path crossed with another angel and the wheel of destiny began to turn for them.

-o-o-o-o-

"Good Morning, Lord Rosiel." greeted two female servants as the beautiful angel passed them by. He nodded at them but said nothing. His steps was light and he carried himself with grace. The ends of his long sleeved shirt floated around him and his pants clung to his thighs and hips as if they were a second skin on his body. His hair was put up in a high pony tail that still left a few thin bangs to frame his face. Around his neck was a silver pendant.

There was no sound from his boots as he walked down the hall without meeting anyone else. He had just seen God just moments ago and it had been like usual. Everything about his life was taking its usual path and little had changed since the war where his older sister had tried to rebel against Heaven. It still left a bitter taste in his mouth every time he thought about it but he also knew there was nothing he could do. He couldn't leave Heaven and even if he went and saw Alexiel's body her soul was somewhere on earth. He would never be able to find her.

He stopped outside a pair of big wooden doors and by the opposite side was a stone fence that separated the building from the in-door garden. It was a place students could come and relax while working on their reports or simply to relax. It was a simple but beautiful place with many different flowers in different colours.

Rosiel took a light breath, not because he needed the air but because of his build up frustration. He didn't know why he felt like this but something was making him feel more and more frustrated... or was it depressed? He wasn't even sure what he was feeling.

A movement from the corner of his eye caught Rosiel's attention and when he turned more to see what it was he wasn't surprised to see a group of young angels. But in the middle was a angel with grey, almost silvery hair in a blue student uniform. Rosiel didn't know what it was that caught his interest in the young male angel, may be it was the curiosity, or childish playfulness or something else but Rosiel couldn't look away from the young angel. He held a few books in his arms and even from this distance Rosiel could tell they were for one of the top classes, Think Tank.

But before he could even get close to them a maid angel approached him and told him his presence was needed in the Throne room.

Across the garden one of the angels caught sight of Rosiel. "Look, it's Lord Rosiel."

"You are right."

"Beautiful."

"Yes, completely different from us. No one could ever compare to Lord Rosiel."

As the other students went on about the beautiful angel. Katan, who was standing among them watched the retreating back of the noble angel. He didn't say anything, not that he wasn't thinking along those lines too but somehow he felt his chest hurt. He felt... sad... and lonely.

-o-o-o-o-

_**I would give my heart to you**_

_**And I would do it fatefully **_

_**Until the end of time**_

_**And they carve my name in stone**_

_**At least I know they'll know**_

_**That in this life I made mistakes**_

_**But I did one thing right**_

_**'Cause I was meant forever loving you**_

_**If its all I ever do**_

_**My love**_

-o-o-o-o-

Katan and Rosiel didn't see each other again after that and soon Katan was graduating from the angel academy with a splendid record that most young angels would only dream of. It was then in the crowd of angels, both students, teachers, mentors, friends that Katan caught sight of someone in the outskirts of the crowd in a hooded coat. He didn't know what it was that made him follow the figure when it started to leave.

Katan made his way through the cluster of angels and left the cheers of happiness behind as he rounded a corner. He saw how the fluttering material from the coat disappeared around another corner and so he followed it. It took him several minutes until he caught up with the figure and when he finally was within reach he called out.

"Excuse me." his clear voice called.

The figure stopped walking and Katan could come up closer but the figure didn't turn around.

"I don't mean to be rude but I..." it was then that it hit Katan again so his words trailed of. This sadness. This loneliness. He knew them but he couldn't explain them. "Have we meet before?"

"I don't know what you are talking about." came a male voice from the hood.

Katan took a few slow steps forward until he was staring at the side of the hood, the stranger didn't want to let him see his face.

"It's almost as if..." Katan knew he was probably rude for staring at whomever this was but there was something in his memories that started to waken up. The character in the hood started move slowly away again and Katan felt like he couldn't move. The unknown figure said,

"If you'll excuse me I have a meeting to attend."

After just a few footsteps something inside Katan seemed to cry out and a memory hit him with force. He took a deep breath to keep his voice steady, "Thank you."

The figure stopped dead in his tracks.

Katan didn't know if this was the right thing to do but for the first time in his life he was starting to remember who he was, another life. The war long ago and how he managed to enter the level of Heaven where the battle between two extremely beautiful angels was held. "Long ago... I... said those words to you before... everything turned black. It was the first time." a pang of sorrow hit Katan as if he had opened a deep wound. The male stopped and turned around slowly but Katan still couldn't see all of his face except for his mouth.

"Who are...?" asked the male with a slight trace of unsteadiness in his voice.

"I remember a warm presence watching over me. It was always very kind and warm. Like it embraced me and protected me." Katan took two steps closer until they were separated by a few steps. "I don't remember much but I will never forget that aura, so warm, so kind and so beautiful."

The male looked like he wanted to run but at the same time he wanted to stay. It was clearly an emotional battle. Katan somehow knew he was right, this was the person he unconsciously had been looking for. The very reason why he was still alive.

Katan wasn't even sure when he got close enough but his hand reached up and slowly took of the hood. Revealing a delicate face that he had seen only seen once but he would always remember the aura of the other angel for as long as he lived.

"Lord Rosiel." Katan whispered.

Rosiel reached out slowly and touched Katan's cheek softly, his mind was filled with memories of the former Grigor. It was then that he knew it wasn't a cruel joke but reality.

Rosiel threw his arms around Katan's neck and hugged him tightly, almost crushing his body to the other angel. It was at that moment Rosiel realized that his heart made a sudden jump. He hadn't felt anything like it before. Somehow it left a strange new kind of warm feeling. When he felt Katan's arms holding him around his waist he wasn't sure what he should do. No one of the few that had hugged him had made him feel like this. Not even the creator himself had made Rosiel's feel like this, it was strangely pleasant but also frightening.

-o-o-o-o-

_**Baby when I look at you **_

_**Standing there so pure and sure**_

_**I don't know what I did to deserve**_

_**The way you smile**_

_**The way we touch**_

_**The way you kiss mean so much**_

_**I must be the luckiest man in the whole wide world**_

_**If its all I ever do**_

-o-o-o-o-

"Have you heard? Lord Rosiel selected one of the new graduates."

"Are you serious? Who's the lucky one?"

"Think Tank, Katan. You know the angel with no past."

"How was he able to get selected by Lord Rosiel?"

"I don't know. May be he cheated his way in."

"Well, his work wasn't on average level to begin with but cheating? I don't think so. I caught sight of one of his reports while he was working on it in the library and it's the real thing."

"Not everyone is lucky to be selected by someone of the highest levels of angels but to be chosen by Lord Rosiel must really be the luckiest one in heaven. You don't think that he..."

"Don't say it. Who knows if someone hears you. I don't think Lord Rosiel will take it lightly if someone spreads dirty rumours about his choice of assistant."

Sigh. "I know but I can't help it, mostly everyone would give anything to make it to be Lord Rosiel's assistant."

"Just don't let your big mouth get you into trouble."

Neither of them noticed that behind one of the pillars stood Katan, listening in on their conversation.

-o-o-o-o-

_**I would give my heart to you**_

_**And I would do it fatefully **_

_**Until the end of time**_

_**And they carve my name in stone**_

_**At least I know they'll know**_

_**That in this life I did mistakes**_

_**But I did one thing right**_

_**'Cause I was meant forever loving you**_

_**If is all I ever do**_

-o-o-o-o-

"What's the matter Katan?" asked Rosiel as he put down a document on his desk while he watched the younger angel across the wooden table.

Katan flinched as if he was brought out from his thoughts by a slapp across his cheeks.

"You've been more distracted today and hardly done anything to sort those documents. Is something bothering you?" asked Rosiel concerned.

The former Grigor shook his head in a silent no as he gave Rosiel a gentle smile, "I'm fine, just something that came up earlier."

The high angel still wasn't convinced and he stood up before slowly walking around the table, as if not to scare the other angel. He knelt down beside Katan and gently touched his cheek in a slow caress. The action made Katan turn his head so he could see Rosiel clearly and the concerned look over his delicate face made Katan's heart take a leap.

"Tell me, Katan." pleaded Rosiel.

Katan opened his mouth to say something but whatever it was, was lost; _"__Maybe he cheated his way in." _Those words played across his mind. _"You don't think that he..."_ Katan took gently Rosiel's hand in his and held it as he calmly took a deep breath while letting a smile play across his lips. "Just a little childish jealousy."

But even after he said that he could still hear them. All those jealous angles that would do about anything to be close to Rosiel talked about him behind his back. Now and then he would stop before a corner other times he would pass a group of angels and they became silent. He told himself all the time not to concern himself with it but no matter how much he tried to ignore it he couldn't. He didn't want to concern Lord Rosiel with these things, he thought that he could handle them alone. He was really foolish and that would be one of his downfalls.

His other and biggest downfall was something he already had realized, he was falling in love.

-o-o-o-

Katan laid down a document in front of Rosiel who looked at it questionly. Even with the tiny print he could clearly read what it said and it made his face pale.

"What is this?" Rosiel asked in a low voice.

"My resignation." answered Katan as he stood tall before Rosiel. "I'm resigning my position as your assistant."

Rosiel looked up with saddness written all over his face. "Why Katan? Why are you doing this? I thought you liked being by my side. Have I done something to push you away? Tell me Katan, please."

The grey haired angel could hardly look at the beautiful angels sad face anymore. He knew he was the one that caused it and he regreted it very much. "You have done nothing wrong, Lord Rosiel."

Before Katan knew it Rosiel was right in front of him and grabbed the neck of his military jacket and pulled him closer until their faces were mere inches apart. "No! No! I must have done something to make you feel unwanted or uncomfortable in my presence. Tell me. NOW!"

Katan tried without succes to get more distance between them for he could feel his heart beating harder and his breath becoming laborate but despite his apperance Rosiel was stronger than he appeared.

"Let me go." he said with just a tiny hint of desperation.

"No! Tell me!" Rosiel said as he noticed Katan trying to get away from him but he refused to let go. "Tell me what I've done wrong."

"Please!" Katan begged now. "I beg you to let me go!"

"NO!" Rosiel was almost screaming now. "Not until you tell me what I did."

"Please!"

"No!"

In less than a second the situation turned around and Katan crushed his lips against Rosiel's. His arms wrapped themselves around Rosiel's thin waist and pushed the other angel back so the desk was pressed against his legs. For a moment Katan broke the kiss. "I told you to let me go." he whispered as he looked into Rosiel's big clear eyes. Even up close the high ranked angel was beautiful, no flaws in his apperance and the sweet smel only made Katan's body feel hoter.

Katan kissed Rosiel again and this time he was surprised when he felt the other angel respond to the kiss. His desires was becoming uncontrolable and that was why he had wanted to resign. Barely two months had he been Rosiels assisstant and he loved him more than anything. He even dreamed of holding the other angel in his arms and so he knew that he needed to stop seeing Rosiel or he would do something he would later regret. To both of them.

In a sweep he cleaned of the documents and pens from the desk, sending them to the floor. He gripped Rosiel's hips and lifted him onto the wooden surface.

After that he wasn't sure what happened for it all blurred together. Rosiel's clothes came of as well as Katan's jacket, leaving him bare chested. He was pleasuring Rosiel with his mouth and he could feel those nails and fingers rack over his shoulders and back. One of his arms held around one of Rosiel's tights while the other was carressing Rosiel's body. The gasps, whimpers and moaning filled his ears and it only encouraged him. Suddenly Rosiel's body jerked upward and shuddered. Katan swallowed everything. While Rosiel gasped for breath as he came back down from his climax Katan reached up until he was face to face with the other angel. He placed a soft kiss on Rosiel's cheek before leaning toward his ear and whispered, "Will you let me go now?"

Katan stared down into Rosiel's beautiful shimmering eyes. He was sure that his beloved angel would reject him now, it had only been a moment of seduction and they had both fallen into it, even if Katan had started it. But to his surprise he felt two arms around his shoulders, holding him close and not letting him go.

"Don't leave me. Don't push me away." Rosiel whispered back to the other angel. "If you leave me I won't forgive you."

"Lord Rosiel?" Katan asked questionly. "Do you even know what your doing? I may hurt you, I can't be with you with these impure feelings I have for you."

Rosiel shook his head and buried his face under Katan's chin, snuggling closer. "If that makes you impure then I'm no different from you. I'm so dirty that if anyone should repent for their feelings it should be me." he took a deep breath before he whispered, "I love you, Katan."

Katan closed his eyes as he forced his heart to keep beating. "Don't torture me." he whispered.

"I'm not."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not."

"If anyone finds out..."

"Shh." Rosiel said as he placed a delicate finger over his mouth to keep him from saying anymore. "Then we'll be judged together." Rosiel leaned up so he could kiss those trembling lips that tried to escape this moment in fear of being hurt. "Hold me." was his final whisper.

-o-o-o-o-

_**And you do anything all right for me**_

_**And it makes me love you more**_

_**'Cause baby you are the only love I need**_

_**If its all I ever do**_

-o-o-o-o-

A hand reached out toward another and their fingers interlaced. The delicate hand clutched hard down on the other hand as a gasp was let out. Hair with the colour of glass was spread out underneath Rosiel's head as he gasped. Katan laid over him and kissed the nape of his lovers shoulder. He stopped only to place his free hand on Rosiel's hip and pushed forward. The high ranked angel let out a groan of pleasure as his legs that were wrapped around Katan's waist pushed down to get closer. Katan's hair fell over his sweaty face and he moaned at the contact. He thrust even harder into Rosiel's warm body. He hadn't thought it was possible to feel so much pleasure but everything about Rosiel made him feel like he was falling into a world of pleasure.

Suddenly he flipped them around without removing himself from within Roseil and their reversed position made him lying on his back and he used his hands to push Rosiel into a sitting position. The beautiful angel gasped as he sat down on the very source of his earlier moans and he arched his back. Katan shifted slightly so he could too sitt up and he wrapped his arms around Rosiel as he continued to thrust into Rosiel's body with new strength. He planted kisses on Rosiel's chest before he felt hands grab his head and turned it upward. The ghost touch of lips across his was planted but gasps of breaths kept them apart.

"I love you. I love you." chanted Katan over and over again and Rosiel could only smile out of happiness.

Neither of them was aware that they weren't alone. A shadow stepped back and disappeared down the hall without even letting the two lovers know that their life together would be gone.

-o-o-o-o-

_**I would give my heart to you**_

_**And I would do it fatefully **_

_**Until the end of time**_

_**When they carv my name in stone**_

_**At least I know they'll know**_

_**That in this life I made mistakes**_

_**But I did one thing right**_

_**'Cause I was meant for ever loving you**_

_**Yes I will**_

-o-o-o-o-

The next morning when they woke up in each others arms the door was forcebly open and in entered several angel guards. Katan was pulled from the bed and Rosiel reached out to his beloved angel but he was escorted rather forcefully from the room and only Katan's voice reached him.

"Lord Rosiel."

The very same day Katan was brought into court and rumours spread that the Cherubim had forced himself onto the Inorganic Angel Rosiel. Everything happened so fast that Rosiel didn't manage to make them listen to him and no one believed Katan's words, they only added to his crimes.

"Think Tank, Katan your crimes are following; Forced abuse on an uper class angel, Romantic feelings for other angels, mistreat of given position and last but most sever: Impure sexuall actions toward one of God's most loved angels. Your sentance: Death. Court Adjurned."

There was nothing Rosiel could do to make them change their minds, they thought that some of Katan's influence had made the Inorganic angel gentle heart confused. Crimes were crimes and they had to do everything they could to repair the damage. Several angels were asigned to assisst and help Rosiel, as well as defend him if needed. Rosiel wasn't even allowed to see Katan and all he could do was pray that by some unseen force, his loved one would be spared.

-o-o-o-o-

Rosiel ran through the masses of angels as he tried desperatly to reach the place where Katan would be put to death and stop it. To prevent criminals and angels from interfeering a spell had been put on the area so that no one could use magic or their wings to escape. This applied even to him. So to not draw attention to him and being stopped he was dressed in the same coat he had when he attended the graduation cermony. He was almost there but he was running out of time, he could see the sword that would take Katan's life being lifted.

He broke through the watching crowd only to be stopped by the safety guards. The sword started to fall with brute force and Rosiel started to panic, "STOP IT!" he screamed at the top of his lungs as he once again reached out his hand in hope of reaching Katan.

The sword came down and splashed blood all over it as well as the ground. The complete silence that followed was almost like a dying flower, frail and at the edge of its life.

The guard that had stopped Rosiel had let go and he was now standing just a few feet away from Katan. He took a step forward, "Katan?" he whispered, "Katan?" he took another step, "Katan?"

He walked the last six steps in silence, somehow his hood had come of and his face was in plain view. He stood over Katan's unmoving body and looked down on the red pool of blood that only seemed to grow bigger and bigger. Rosiel fell to his knees next to Katan's body and tears started to fall down his face. "Katan?" he called again but he knew it was no use, the angel's life had ended.

He gathered Katan's body in his arms, not carring if his clothes was stained with blood.

"You can't love me... and then die on me."

A high council member came toward Rosiel and called his name.

"Never-" Rosiel whispered but his voice grew stronger, "Never will I forgive you for this. I will curse you all until my death." his shimmering eyes glared hatefully at everyone they saw with tears streaming down his face. His astral powers flared up and surrounded him. "I CURSE YOU ALL AND MARK MY WORDS! I WILL NEVER AGAIN TAKE ANOTHER BREATH IN HEAVEN AGAIN!"

What looked like flames surrounded Rosiel and in a matter of seconds they died down and Rosiel and Katan's body was nowhere to be found.

-o-o-o-o-

_**Cause I was meant forever loving you**_

_**If its all I ever do**_

_**My love**_

-o-o-o-o-

_I will find you, no matter where you are... Earth or Hell I will find you. And when I do I will never let you go again._

_Katan!_

End Heaven Archive


End file.
